Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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