Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
