I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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