I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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