this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
