so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
