Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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