so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize