what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
