I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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