$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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