I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Shitshow foam night was such a success
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
