Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize