Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
