I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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