update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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