i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
