watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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