thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
