I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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