Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
