If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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