You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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