Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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