dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
