I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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