yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
