Acid is not a monday night drug
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
