I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
