Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
