We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
