that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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