So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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