I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
