Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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