Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A+ Viking dick
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