every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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