"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
