We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this boner is exhausting
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
