my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
