also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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