i can't believe i had my finger in that
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize