bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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