Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
