Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
