You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
