clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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