Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
