I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
