I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have feelings that need drinking.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize