just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
