I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
