I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
