My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
