Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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