just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize