I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
