Whod you bang
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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