I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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