Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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