hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
