So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
