cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
