the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
