i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
