It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
