Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
