so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
