Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
