just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
