I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
