Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
