next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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