Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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