Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
