i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
