He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
