we're blogging at a bar
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
