I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
