Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
