just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I touched a dick in church today
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
