Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
