I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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