My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
