You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
