I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My cat gives me a boner
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
