Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
