how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
