Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
