let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
