Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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