69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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