I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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