I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
