This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
