I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How's work?
Spinning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
