Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
