I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
