Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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