and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
