Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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