Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
