she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
