My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
