I accidentally had phone sex last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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