Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
