It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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