Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
