The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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