Don't make out with my wife yet
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
