I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
