She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
